We The Kings Shenanigans - Legit

Sunday happened to be one of the greatest nights of my life. Unfortunately i cannot say the same about the day time. It started by waking up in an uncomfortable position on the couch. Corey was pretty much still passed out. I, however, at 2pm decided i needed to wake up because i had a 5 page paper to write. So while he was still sleeping, i did my paper for two hours. Finally by around 330, right before i finished, he got up. He had to go home to spend a bit more time with his family, so he walked home (he lives down the road..convenient, eh?), and i continued homework. Around 430 i showered and packed up since i had a long night ahead of me. All that was planned was that me and Corey were seeing The Downtown Fiction, Mayday Parade, and We The Kings at Mount Saint Mary College because Danielle got us free tickets since she was working the event. I had seen all of them before, but i love all three so i was like hey, why not. After the show she was going to bring us back to school, and either crash or go back depending on how tired she was. Well, that plan turned out to be far different, but in a very good way. However, i thought everything was going to go to shit considering my dad and i got into a huge argument right before we left. He was supposed to drop me and Corey off at the concert. Which he did, but almost a half hour late (luckily we were still on time). What happened was he decided to ask if i needed money for anything. Now, he always asks this. And i know i should always say yes because he has it. But i don't because then i feel guilty and things get shitty and its daddy daughter issues and blah blah you know the rest. For once i said yes, because i had just gotten into a huge dispute with my mom over our damn housing deposit and it needed to be in asap and i didn't have $100. She eventually put the money in my account which she didn't have..at all..so i asked my dad for the money so i could have it and eventually pay her back. Stupid me mentioned that when i asked for it, and he FLIPPED. Long story short, it was the typical father daughter fight, except i am extremely sensitive and every time he talks to me none the less semi yells, i cry and freak out. So that happened, and it sucked. After a half hour of that, i finally got the money, and we went to pick up Corey. At this point i am in an awful mood, and we continued our "talk" the whole way there, so that made things worse. By the end i was settled down, but it still didn't predict a good outlook for the rest of the night.

It was 630ish when we got dropped off. We put our things in Danielle's car and headed inside. We sat down in the auditorium and waited for the show to start (i know..a pop punk show in an auditorium..weird. Finally The Downtown Fiction came out, and they were good as usual. I only knew one song well, but it was a good performance. Afterwards Mayday Parade came out, and i almost cried. Yeah, i'm that much of a fan. They are absolutely incredible. They're normal back up and lead vocals drummer wasn't able to perform due to damaged vocal chords, so the bassist replaced him. Even so, the band sounded amazing, and almost landed me in tears as usual. They played two of my favorite songs, Jersey and Black Cat. So i was veryyy pleased. After that Corey and i went and bought Mayday shirts, and then went back inside for We The Kings. They're not my favorite as far as music, but i've seen them four times now, and they are so entertaining every time. Travis always has funny commentary, and out of the two times i met him he was very sweet. Well, we saw their performance. Which included a sad story about their bassist who wasn't their due to having a seizure from a brain tumor. But then he told a funny story about their drummer who was only playing with one hand due to being in a cast. He said that they were out on a boat, and there was an iceberg, and the Danny the drummer stuck his arm inbetween the boat and the iceberg to save 300 kittens. Yeah, it was crazy. By the end of their show it was around 10 and everyone was pumped and exhausted. Corey and i leave and try to find Danielle, since she had to clean up and we had to wait. She told us to wait in the chairs in the lobby. So we did. Inbetween the two or so hours she had to help clean, she came to us and asked if we minded possibly getting food with Mayday Parade since she hung with them all day and got one of their numbers. I almost shit myself, and of course we both said no of course not. So we anticipated this happening..and waited..and waited. And what ended up happening wasn't that, but something far better.

By the time Danielle was done which was around 12, we were cold and tired. But we went outside, trying to figure out what was going on. The plan with Mayday Parade fell through, due to no answer or official plan, BUT something crazier was planned. One of Danielle's friends who also worked the show invited We The Kings to her apartment where she was throwing a party. Not only did they say yes, but we were invited. Yeah, i KNOW. So while we were waiting, Travis (lead singer) was just walking around with his best friend and drum tech Yoshi. They sat by us in the lobby, and i had to just not say anything and keep from jumping out of my chair. So then we headed to the party, and then went for an alcohol run. When we came back, Travis and Yoshi were there. Again, so surreal. I almost shit myself. I mean, i had met Travis before..but as a fan meeting a famous singer..not as a group of friends partying. Like, what? So we all chilled (there were like 15-20 of us) and started drinking. Travis had his drink in his hand the whole time..a mixture of absinthe and mountain dew (which i had a sip of..absolutely delicious. Yeah, i drank out of Travis Clark's cup...shoot me now. But then we played pong...yes i played pong with Travis Clark...shoot me now. I know i'm tooting my own horn..sorry. But this night was absolutely ridiculous. Anyway, we did that for over an hour. It was so much fun. I talked with some band members, drank a good amount, and had a great night. But all good things come to and end.

Eventually, around 2am, Danielle told us it was time to go. She had to drive us back to school. This made me extremely upset, but i dealt. I went and said by to everyone. And then said goodbye to Travis last. At this point i was a little intoxicated..my four loko was hitting me..so i asked him for a picture. And it was no holds barred so i showed him a photo from over two years ago at another show where i first met him and we were standing together. He even remembered the show and where it was. Which made me super happy. So then we left. And i was still in shock at what my night just was. We drove back to school, at 3am, completely wired from our night. Overtired definitely. And i was drunk. Like it hit me as we were driving home. So i spilled my loko all over myself and my bag, which made her car smell for a week. Whoops. Sorry darling. But we got back and she crashed in the common room. Corey and i attempted to go to stay up and spend time together, but Tierney was sleeping and we were both too drunk, so we eventually passed out by around 4am. What a crazy, crazy night...

Filled End of Week/Beginning of Weekend

I guess i shall start with Thursday. It started off terribly, and continued to be terrible. I woke up, for my 1030 class, as per usual. I had stayed up quite late the night before doing homework and watching movies as i stated in the last blog. My fault, yes, but i did that knowing i had a purpose to wake up. I headed to class and received a text while halfway there, in the freezing cold mind you, that class was cancelled for the day. Again, my fault for not checking my email, but it's 9am when i freaking wake up. I don't want to check my email that early. So i stand there, freezing and pissed, and begin to turn around when i realized i was planning to go to student services after class anyway for help with housing next year. Mind you, i thought since before i came to this school that i was supposed to have 36 credits before i were to move into the apartments, not a semester before. I was supposed to move in with Ali and others. I had this plan for months. So alllll of my other friends made plans. Either they were in the apartments as well or had a roommate in Big Haus. Basically, i was screwed without and apartment. So i went in to talk to Emily Balcom about being in an apartment. I literally had NO where else to live. Her student helper said she was in a meeting and would say no. I emailed her anyway, telling her my whole story. We emailed back and forth for about 8 emails. Since this is a school blog i am going to be polite and basically say that she was beyond rude. I got very short, snippy answers in regards to everything. I have 35 of the 36 needed credits. She can't make one exception? Not only that, but i give 2 more options.. gender neutral or a single..and she was extremely rude about those as well. Making it seemingly impossible to be anywhere but with someone i don't know, and not caring. I was so infuriated, but i had to go to the counseling center to schedule an appointment. Which i had been meaning to do since last semester. In desperate need of it.

So, i did that, and angrily walked back to my dorm. From what i remember i did some homework, tried to work out more housing shit, and then possibly napped. Either way, i headed to my 430 still infuriated. Then luck struck me. I ran into a girl i kind of knew from facebook who was in my class, and after talking about the homework that neither of us did, we started talking about housing. I explained my shitty situation, and she had one just as shitty. Earlier i had talked to some girls about housing with them in a suite, but based on what Sarah told me, it wasn't the best idea. Plus, 8 girls isss a bit too many. So after class i messaged her and we talked about what we were going to do. After about 30 minutes of talking, i finally bit the bullet and asked if she wanted to room together. Long story short, she said yes. And we're going to try and get a double in the Fort and that's that. We both have boyfriends that are there all the time, and we're both okay with it, we have the same equality tattoo, same (semi same) interests. It worked out perfectly, hopefully. And i got extremely lucky. So that night after all that was settled, i went to work. 4 hours later Corey and i went back to the dorm. We were both wide awake, and i had to get up at 6am that morning anyway, so we just did homework for like 2 hours. Then attempted to watch I Am Number Four again, which was another fail. So around 5am we finally went to bed.

I woke up an hour later, at 6am, due to having to catch a 7:20 shuttle to Metro North. It was NOT fun. Running on 1 hour of sleep, having to finish packing and having to get ready...it sucked to be honest. I said goodbye to Corey and headed down to the bus stop with a shit ton of luggage in the freezing cold. From then on for about 2 hours i felt like i was going to throw up. Most likely due to lack of sleep and no food. Eventually i got on the shuttle, iPod in ear to tune the world out so early, and got off at Metro North. While there i sat on the bench for a half hour waiting for my stupid Trailways bus to get there. Meanwhile, i'm freezing my ass off and this extremely obnoxious girl decides to chat my ear off for 25 minutes. Not a great start to my morning. Finally the bus came, in which i attempted to read, play Angry Birds, and take a nap the whole 2 hour ride back to Kingston. I got off the bus, saw snow (crazy, i know), and my mom and Mema (grandmother) picked me up. I certainly did not miss being home. I always hate going back. We went to a diner and ate food. That i DID miss. I miss upstate diner food so much. I ordered a delicious omelet and home fries. I ended up being super hyper and talking my mom and my grandmother's ear off, most likely because of being so overtired, and my mom thought i was on drugs. It took me two days to convince her it was just lack of sleep. But after that we went to my doctor's appointment, which was my whole reason for coming home. After having an awkward and uncomfortable meeting with the doctor, i walked out with a prescription for a new antibiotic. That i now have to take every day. For the rest of my life. Loljk..i hope not. But i have to take it for the next 3 months every day. Not only that, but now my birth control will be less effective. That's going to be great...anyway. After the appointment i went back to Mema's and stayed there to visit with my aunt who came in from Vegas, and my cousin and her 6 month old Anthony. I'm not a huge family person, but it was nice to see them. Anthony is beyond adorable. By this time i was extremely exhausted. Running on 4 hours of sleep in over 24 hours is not a fun time.

After an hour or so there, we finally left and went home. I then planned to go out that night to Joe's, my favorite place to go out from home. It's a country bar (don't judge me..yes i line dance). Aj, one of my best friends, begged me to go. So i hesitantly said yes because i was so tired. I decided to take a nap, so i can be okay for that night. Well...bad idea. To begin with, Corey and i are now apart for hours. Longest in awhile. He went home as well, but his home is over an hour away. I don't mean to sound pathetic, but us being apart now usually causes tenseness in both of us. So i was frustrated, tired, missing him, and kind of mad because he got upset with me for wanting to go out because i was already "so tired." True story, but that's a bullshit reason. Either way, i wasn't going to listen to him. So i napped, after having sent only about 7 texts back and forth, in hours, with him. I woke up 2 hours later, still beyond tired. And now i felt like shit. My mom encouraged me to sleep more and not go out, of course. Corey said the same. So i debated and went back to sleep, hoping to wake up an hour later. I woke up again, 2 hours later, feeling even shittier. It's 830 now, and Aj was supposed to pick me up at 9. He even got me a mini bottle of Malibu. But i woke up, texted him that i couldn't go out, got yelled at by him, and attempted to go back to sleep. Of course that didn't really work.

So i texted Corey and we started talking, very sparingly. Apparently he had no service at his cousin Sarah's. Which i believed because i never do either, but still, he could've warned me more. Or seemed to care. I felt completely ignored, and completely miserable. At least he had people to be around! To top it off, he decided to tell me he was going to some guys house to chill and maybe drink and smoke hookah. Some place we were supposed to go together. So now, not only am i home alone, and miserable, and not going out in partial because of him, but he gets to go out and have a blast without me? Awesome. That put me in an even better mood. I tried to distract myself and around 10 i watched I Am Number Four with my mom. Didn't help too much. I also watched some politics and whatnot with her, in which i was informed who Rush Limbaugh is. And decided he can fall off a cliff. "Feminazis" my ass. But i went back in my room, tediously on facebook. Waiting for texts and not getting them. In those past 4 hours i got 2 brief calls and maybe 5 texts. I was NOT a happy camper. So, against my mom's wishes, i decided to take a bath at 2am and watch True Blood to serve as another distraction. Well, i ended up being in there for over two hours, not really watching my show but instead fighting with Corey. Who clearly didn't understand how upset i was. And just tried to make it worse. After i got out i went back to my bedroom, and for the next 4 hours went back and forth with him. As always, i was the bad guy. Long story short, he said some really hurtful things, i became beyond angry and upset, and i stayed up until 630am when i eventually cried myself to sleep. It was such a fun time.

Saturday wasn't too exciting from my recollection. I only stayed that day and didn't come back to school due to a concert i was going to on Sunday. So Saturday i woke up, got packed, and my dad came and picked me up around 2. We went home, and they left for some show, so i went and did errands. At this point, Corey was back home, down the road from me, so i asked if he wanted to come with me, since we didn't really talk yet that day. He had pulled an all-nighter with friends so he was oh so tired...yeah. But i went and got him, and we were off. I had to go to Kingston to pick up and few more things from my moms, so we did that. And then i went to Ink Inc. to get my tattoo touched up since it was pretty faded already. There i saw my old best friend of about ten years Kim, getting herself a tattoo. That was interesting. I really wonder what happened to us sometimes. So close for so long and now we don't even talk...okay enough sad thoughts. After that we headed back to Highland, in which during our car ride and whatnot, we semi talked things out. He kind of apologized, though i wish i got more, and i explained to him my side. I was upset because of so many things...the long day, feeling shitty, the things he said, and most of all, being the bad guy. I hate the fact his friends and family, for the most part, see me as the bad guy. "I always hurt him..i'm a bitch." Blah blah. It sucks. Because most of them don't know about my BPD and whatnot. Soooo, that's a whole other issue. But we talked, and as usual things went back to normal (ish).

After i dropped him back home, i went and met Danielle at the new Sushi place in Highland called Asian Garden. Second time going there, and the food was great like last time. Although the service sucked. But it wasss packed, so whatever. We caught up and talked about our guy issues, and other life things. Ya know, typical girl gossip. She knows pretty much all there is to know about me, and vice versa, so it's always nice to catch up. Then we made plans for the next day and i headed home. It was around 7 at this point, and my parents still weren't home. I was like, what the fuck. So i texted my dad where he was and they were 5 min away at a family friend's bday party. I decided to stop by and say hi and wish Eric a happy birthday. I stayed for a short time, just long enough to eat some AMAZING brownies and say hi to a bunch of people i haven't seen in months, and some years. I went back home and had my Aj come over for a bit, since we didn't hang out the night before. He came and brought my Malibu which made me quite happy, and then we just chilled and watched tv for a couple hours. We caught up, talked about life, etc..like usual. Meanwhile, my dad said him and Lauren would be back soon. Two hours later..almost 11 pm, they still weren't back. So i had Corey come over once his parents went to bed, and then us 3 hung out for a bit. Eventually Aj left, and Corey and i had our time together. However, i didn't know when my parents were going to be back, soooo alone alone time didn't occur. We just watched tv and movies and whatnot, and then once again attempted to watch I Am Number Four. Right as we started it my parents finally came home. My dad came down, talked for a bit, and said goodnight. Afterwards we kept watching the movie. Normally we pull out the couch from the other room and turn it into a bed. Well, we were both obviously far too tired because before the movie got half over, we both fell asleep on the couch. And that it how we slept for the night. Another fail on watching this damn movie...

This day...Sunday...far too great of a day, well night, to still keep in this blog. So the story shall commence in the next blog. Stay tuned :)

Blasty Blast Weekend (except not)

Let's recap, shall we? I left off on Thursday night at work, so let's begin there. I left work, came back, did some homework with Corey, and then went to bed. Friday...Friday's are usually boring. Unless i go out. In that case, if i remember it, it's usually a fun tale to tell. However, i did not go out. To be brutally honest i was PMSing hardcore, so i didn't want to do much of anything but lay in bed and watch movies. I, unfortunately, had to get up early to go to a Study Abroad meeting at 11:30. To top it off, it was rainy and cold out. Sweats and a sweatshirt it was. I bummed it out, went to the meeting, got barely anything accomplished, came back, and did homework. I tried to wake Corey up but he decided to slap me, so i gave up that plan. I sat, did homework for a few hours, and then i think i attempted sleep. It failed, so at 5 we did laundry and then went to DHall with Kerry. Little did i know it was ICE CREAM FRIDAY!!! I didn't know that was a thing, and as much as i told myself i wasn't going to eat a lot, i enjoyed my damn ice cream. I pigged out. Haha.

After food we went back, and from my recollection we laid down and just relaxed. I think we started to watch movies and kept getting distracted. I DO remember, though, that it resulted in not finishing our movie night because we got into our first huge argument in weeks. It lasted hours. My anxiety was immense. I would love to explain this fight, but it is far too detailed and private. Well, not so much private, but extremely ridiculous. Long story short, i got jealous over some stupid bitch that is in his Personal Defense class because she has huge boobs, and decided to bring them up to Corey while they were doing their "moves." Apparently since they kept getting in the way. That convo furthered into discussion of his and i's sexual interests and whatnot regarding that. Not only that, but the week before they had to choke each other, and that turned in a personal sexual convo as well. HIGHLY inappropriate, so i was NOT a happy camper. I freaked internally, and only mildly externally. He took it well at first, but then we started talking about exes and feelings and all of these other things. It became so much that i lost it and expressed them to him, which only angered him. So we got into a pretty big argument..which led to silence. I couldn't take it, so i went into the bathroom and did something stupid, which he found out about shortly after. That only enraged him more so he started cursing and angrily moving things, not at me, but it still terrifies me due to abuse issues with my ex. So i freaked out even more. And we were just silent the rest of the night. Attempted homework and that didn't work so well, so eventually we just gave up and i wanted to sleep. Obviously i couldn't sleep. Emotionally i was wrecked, and physically as well due to the gym the night before. So i laid there, contemplating thought and anxiety. Of course he started rubbing my back to try to "calm down" and make things better, which only half works. But i ended up falling asleep around 5 i think. Tierney came back from going out around 2 or 3, and she was pretty gone, so we had to try to keep up appearances with her around. That also led me to wanting sleep. So sleep finally came..which led to waking up on Saturday..

Saturday was that start of new day, right? Except not really. We woke up around 2 or 3 and i thought maybe he would say something to me. Nothing. He got up and showered. That led me to believe the day would suck and he wasn't going to apologize. So when an offer to cover a 4 hour shift at work came up, i took it immediately. I covered a 430 to 8 shift to get away and make money. I told him, and he got pissed (what a shock). So he walked me to work though, like nothing was wrong. Kissed me goodbye. Blah blah. Texted me explaining why he got upset. Apparently he wanted to get up, shower, get food and talk things out. Although he said he was "completely over it..slept it off." Of course. He's a guy. They can do that. I can't. Which is what i told him. So he said we would have to postpone it until i got off work. Obviously. Anyway, work happened. And it SUCKED. I had to do reference work, stuff i was never trained in. I learned the library inside and out though. I had to walk around the entire library for an hour, checking every room, cleaning it, making sure everything was okay. It sucked, but at least it kept me occupied. Then i went back to the desk, did some reading, then watched Glee. I walked back to the dorm in the flurrying icky weather, and ended up running most of the way back because i just wanted to get inside. Now, the rest of the night i don't really recall details. I just know we talked it out, although as a guy he was completely neurotic and kept doing things to try to distract me. What else is new. But we did talk it out and established we need to work on it, and he convinced me it's normal to argue over stuff like that. If we didn't we wouldn't be normal. We ended up talking about our parents too, since his mom never seems to approve of me. Especially when we fight. In which case, she doesn't know i have BPD which isn't fair because she can't truly judge me then. Anyways, whatever. Things were resolved. I just hope he's right. I know i have issues. So i hope those issues are just clouding my judgment. But we finished the movies from our movie night and went to bed, i'm pretty sure.

Sunday was a very bland day. I was planning on going to do Zumba for Wellness, but it was in the Dance studio, so i said ef that in this cold. We went and got food i think and then did some homework for a few hours. We woke up super late again. I think around 3, so that didn't leave much day. But we did homework until The Walking Dead came on. Of courseee that's a dorm event. Me, Corey, Lisa, and Angelina decided to do our 2nd weekly Walking Dead Drinking Game. Basically whenever Carl speaks or his name is said, or Shane gets angry, or a walker is killed, you take a drink. Pretty amazing game. And it was a pretty good episode. After that happened, we chilled back in the room, and did more homework. Productive say right? I know. That's basically what the night consisted of, as per usual. We listened to music, did homework, and watched tv until about 2 or 3. Around 3 we attempted sleep, but something happened to my legs. Earlier yesterday i felt what i thought were shin splints. I mean, i hadn't worked out in months, so it made sense. But instead, when i laid down for bed, my legs started to feel like they were on fire. Like, the bones or muscles on the far inside really hurts. From my shins to my hips. So that caused me not to be able to sleep, only whimper a bit. I am currently laying down writing this and they still kill me. So this sucks. But what ended up happening, which turned out to be a great thing, although it was a very bad idea, was we stayed up until almost 6am. Talking. Just talking. Like a nice talk. We cuddled like hardcore, and kept being really cute. Instead of sleeping. So we ended up talking. He started. But we talked about everything, from our exes again (but better talk), to our own feelings, to our future. All of it being positive and happy. And the majority of it coming from him. It scares the shit out of me, but it also excites me. Even if it doesn't work out, it was good while it lasted. And if it somehow does, i have an amazing future to look forward to. Yeah, me. The girl who is so feminist and #foreveralone it isn't even funny. Yet i'm thinking about marriage and a family now. Say what? But it was a good talk. All i know is whether we stay together or not, i KNOW i can't lose him out of my life. I'd be lost without him. Yeah we bicker. But he is the most amazing person i have ever met. My best friend. And i truly believe soulmate. So let's see where this goes, shall we. We ended up falling asleep eventually though, and 4 hours later it was time to get up for Monday class.

Monday was full of class time, as always. I got up early, found out i got a 76 on my first Psych test (awesome -__-), then ate, and relaxed in my room. I assume i did work for a couple hours until Corey got back from class. We then attempted to nap, and failed as usual. We then went to our next class, where i found out i did better than the class average for my test in Science. Only good news. Although i still only got an 87. I then got food, went to my next 3 hour class, and walked back to my dorm at 930. It was super nice out that night. Like, extraordinarily nice out. And i wanted to try to be healthy, so although my legs were still in killer pain (still are), i decided to go for a run/jog/walk thing. I changed, and then Corey and i went for a half hour. I couldn't really run because i suck, and he could, because he doesn't. What else is new. But we got around half the loop and then cut through the apartments back to the dorm. We then chilled and did homework for a few hours. Tierney came back so we all did our work together. Around 2 we decided to illegally go shower...together. Oh risque..i know. But that was fun. Then we came back, relaxed, and went to bed.

Tuesday, yesterday, was quite long and semi productive. Corey had early class, but as usual i slept through it. However, i unfortunately had to wake up by 12 because i had to meet some girls who i thought i might have been rooming with in an apartment next semester. I found them in LiveJournal, and overall i got lucky. But my friend Ali happened to text me around the exact same time saying a spot in her roster opened up and i can move there. So although i didn't tell the two girls i met, i agreed to be with her. Plus, as semi nice and normal as they were, they wanted Alumni. Which i do not. Nice or not, too far. So after that meeting and food i came back to my room and got some homework done. I was super sore, still, but knew i had to go to White Plains to run errands. At 4ish Corey and i took the shuttle (which annoyingly had to stop and change drivers..?) to the second stop. We were almost going to go to the movies, but with how broke i was, it was a bad idea. So i went to Target, got my toiletries, got my step mom part of her birthday gift, and then randomly bought I Am Number Four because it was on sale for $10. Whatevs. Cheaper than the movies. We then walked to the mall and i got the rest of her gift, as well as a new pair of sneakers so i can run in something other than Vans (i got pink toe shoes (: ), and then got food. It was the second to last day of Februany. Soooo i got two foot longs from Subway since i had a gift card. I ate half of one, and then we caught the bus back.

When we got back we got settled in, and then went to Farside lounge for "cozy night." No one was really there...nerd status..but it didn't matter because UP was playing and there was free food. Double awesome. After that we came back and attempted a nap, which failed, again. So i got up and got ready for work. After making my hot chocolate and grabbing my stuff, Corey and i headed off to the library. While there i got to finish my book, Perfect by Ellen Hopkins (amazing by the way), and basically just did other homework and whatnot. Meanwhile, my coworker Ali wanted to amuse herself, so she made sculptures out of random library objects. It was quite comical. After work my night thoroughly sucked. Beyond explanation. I got on the phone with my mom about paying my housing deposit which i have to do, like, now due to wanting an apartment. Well, what i thought would be a 3 minute convo turned to a one hour and 7 minute convo. Until after 3am. We fought for a long time, about the most pointless things. And as usual, we continued in circles and circles. Long story short, she acts like a child the majority of the time and always causes me to feel angry. No matter what, it's always anger. And that's worse than my anxiety, because there's nothing i can do about it. Crying won't help, self harm won't help. When it finally goes away i get so beyond depressed i feel non existent..which is even worse. So after the convo i just stayed in the common room and played angry birds to try to calm down. Corey came out a half hour later to try to get me to go inside...fail. I was NOT moving. The mood i was in is undescribable. As much as i would like to attempt to explain in, that's more of my very personal side, so i won't get into it. But i just know i need help. Eventually, after freaking out and whatnot, i went into the bed...at 4:30am. After an hour of trying to sleep i finally managed to. Corey tried to help as best as he could...but there's only so much you can do when i'm like that.

I woke up hoping i was going to be out of the mood i was in that night. Super hoping because it even scared me. Luckily, aside from being super tired, when i woke up at 1:30 i was a bit better. Although, i looked out the window and it was awful out. I hate rain and wind and cold, and it was a mix of them all. I went to class, and after an hour of pointless nonsense and a 5 minute break, i left because i was just not in the mood. I came back to my room and tried to take my own notes, but really just wasn't in the mood. I did work for about an hour, and got nowhere except angry. So when Corey came back i tried some more, and just gave up. I was about to lay down when i realized i had to get ready for class at 630. Frustrated, i did that, and went to class. Luckily we got out early (thank you Prof. Gatti), and i met up with Corey and went to the library. I got the book i needed, printed out what i needed, and hurried back to my room in the freezing cold. Corey and i decided to get into a throwing match and threw things at each other for about 20 minutes, where eventually i started up on homework again. I stopped homework to watch Psych with Tierney..it's our show..i had to. I then started homework again, and here i am. Watching Swimfan with Corey and Tierney. About to watch I Am Number Four. Yes, i love movies. Time to finish up other homework and watch another movie! Night all.

4 Days of Boredom

Let's begin with Monday, shall we? I woke up for my amazing (except not) class. Left class, got food, came back and did homework from what i recall. I stayed awake until Corey came back at 2. I think i then might've continued homework, and then attempted a brief nap, with him right beside me as per usual. We woke up and headed to class. I think he was hungry, so he went to get food and i got to class on time. From what i remember, we weren't in good moods that day. So we weren't on exact speaking terms. After class i think we were possibly better...? Either way, i went and printed my homework for my next class out at the library. Then i headed to my next and last class for 3 hours. I left with no reponse from Corey if he wanted to get food, so i just walked back to the dorm. He came and let me in since he had my keys. I got inside and i think we all (Tierney, Corey, and i) all did homework and reading for several hours. Within this time, a damn fire drill occurred. I really hate them. 1030 pm..freezing cold..NO NEED FOR IT. Once back inside, we continued. And I might've watched part of Glee as well. But by 2 or 3am, and after tons of work and blasting Bo Burnham because of Tierney, it was sleep time.

Tuesday is a complete blur. I know i slept in. Corey had class. I think i woke up to get food, and then we came back and watched part of Paranormal Activity 3. Then, only a half hour in, I had to get up to meet my group for my Journalism project. We met at the Library for all of 20 minutes. I came back and did some homework while Corey napped. I think i ended up napping too. Somehow the day passed by, and it became time to go to work at 10pm. I got out of bed yet again, got ready for work, and headed to the library until 2am, like every Tuesday night. Once i got back to my dorm, Corey and i finished Paranormal Activity 3, and then went to sleep. Long, unproductive day.

Yesterday i didn't have to wake up until around 1, so i didn't. In fact, i slept til around 145 i think. Whoops. I got ready while Corey lounged around in bed. I headed to class, and he went for a run. My 3 hours class wound up being 1 hour and 10 minutes. It was great to be let out that early. Especially on that day because it was beautiful outside. I only wore a light sweater and jeans with a cami. I got out of class and i think Corey and i went to get food. We went back to the room and i either did homework, or napped, or a mix of both. Don't quite remember. But i got up, and went to my next class (ours) at 630. After class i was going to go to an LGBTQU meeting, but i had SO much homework and studying that i really couldn't. I went back to my room and studied for Science and Adolescent Psych for about 4 hours. Most of it was actually just filling out the study guides, hence the studying. It wasn't fun. See, i have always been a straight A student. High honors all through high school and whatnot. College courses. Etc. But somehow, i never really learned how to study. I never had to. Things just came. And if they didn't, oh well. Well, college is NOT like that. So i attempted to study last night. And get other work done. I guess i'll know by next week if that paid off. I then finished my Glee episode last night, and then tried to sleep. That didn't occur for another hour though, due to Corey being in pain so i couldn't sleep because i felt bad. Bleh.

Today. Today was almost as beautiful as yesterday outside. Aside from the wind. That shit has got to stop. I know it's February, and i'm being greedy. But if it's going to be nice out, i would appreciate a full niceness. No damn wind. Today was much like Monday, aside from my late class and being semi unproductive. I was quite productive today. I went to class, took my test, and left. I then met my friend Adam who is a senior at my old high school who came to audition for the Music Conservatory. He looked so spiffy in his suit. His mom was super nice too, as well as his accompanist and voice coach. He was a bit obnoxious, but nice. I showed them to the Hub since they wanted food and had time. I bought them coffe (i have a meal plan and i wanted to make a good impression, come on) and we stood and talked for a bit. Corey briefly swung by before heading to Personal Defense. Around 1230 i led them out and headed back to my dorm to study. It was nice seeing him. He can be a bit much sometimes, but i love that kid. So i got back to my dorm, ate some Spaghettio's (i know, amazing...it's been forever), and started studying. I studied for around two hours, with breaks inbetween of doing other work and watching tv with Tierney. At 2 Corey came back. Now, i already vented to Tumblr about this incident, since i needed expression, vulgarity, and far too much emotion. So let me just brief it by saying i was not pleased with his class today and his description of it. And i got super upset. Mini anxiety attack kind of upset. And it didn't go away for over an hour. I tried to keep studying..gave up. I tried to nap...fail. So i vented to Tumblr and watched tv until class started. We went to class, me being a bit more calm, and took the test. After class we went straight to the gym. I knew i wouldn't go if i went to my dorm first, so i already had my clothes on. We got there, undressed, and worked out. First time there this semester. Well, stupid Jessie didn't drink that much water today. So after going on the treadmill, elliptical, and some other weird cardio/thigh machine, i was feeling it. A little dizzy. At this point i had also stretched a lot, and done a bit of abs. After that i went to the machine room and worked on my thighs and whatnot. Did reps on about 6 different machines. After that Corey and i were going to do ab work because i desperately need it. Well, i went into the other room and felt like i was going to puke. I downed the rest of my water and still felt like shit. So we left and got food. After another half hour i finally started feeling better. I really hate being so out of shape. Especially when i date someone who is so in shape and a long distance runner. It's awful. Self-esteem issues to the max. I am now 132. He is 147..and 4 inches taller. That's a problem. My goal is 120 (ha i WISH). But if i can do 125 i will be semi content. Anyway, after the gym we had some time together, showered, and then got ready. And then i went to work, and here i am now. Sitting behind the Circulation Desk at the Library. Interesting, right? Oh i know. I WORK here. Trust me, i know. Time to get other work done!

Weekend

So i got home. Mind you, i didn't really want to be home. I only went because one, Corey was going. And two, i wanted my birthday present which was..dun dun dun..an iPhone 4s :) Hell yeah. Quite happy and i am now addicted. So much easier to get my social networking done. Haha. Better than my Droid. Stupid phone. Anyway, i did kind of want to go home to have a little bit of change. So i stayed at my house Friday night. Thinking my parents wanted me home. Instead they went into the hot tub and told me to invite a friend over. Awesome. So Corey came over that night (yeah..we can't spend a night without each other..whoops). We watched movies and played Xbox all night. Kicked ass in Gears. I really missed that game.

The next morning he left early to run errands with his mom. I got up at 11 to go get my iPhone with my step-mom, Lauren, in Kingston since i had to go visit my mom anyway. My dad came in, we got my nice new phone with a great Otter Box, and then went to the chinese buffet/sushi place nearby. I ate so much i'm shocked i didn't explode. So many good choices, plus a sushi bar. All you can eat. Nothing better. Then they left to go home and i went and visited my mom. It was actually a good visit for once. She gave me food and other stuff like movies that got shipped to the house. We didn't fight. It was nice. Aside from the fact she doesn't look too good and i wish she would go out and do something rather than worry about me. So, i left, and headed back to dad's. I got there at the same time as Aunt Geri and Uncle Scott. They gave me my grad and bday gift. Money and homemade amazing cookies. I absolutely love them. We then pigged out on a lot of great Italian food. Again, i almost exploded. We bonded, i had a few drinks, and then i went to Corey's. Wow that sounded bad. Rephrase: had drinks..ate..then several hours later went right down the road to Corey's (not so bad). I left around 10 and when i got there i remembered how freezing it was there. I went and said hi to Amber (who seemed to be doing much better). Then we went to his room and cuddled and watched movies. In which i fell asleep quite quickly.

The next morning i had to get up early because he had to go to his dad's. After a rude and angry phone call from my dad at 12 i went home. Him and Lauren were going to Rockland County and wanted to bring me back to school. I wasn't changed, or showered, or packed, or anything. So i was like, uh, no. Guess i'll pay for a bus. So they left and i went and met Frangelica to give her money i owed her. Then i went to get sushi with Danielle because i missed her already and i wanted sushi. We went to the new place in Highland, Asian Garden. Very good actually. Then i went and saw my grandma to see how she was. After that i went home, finished packing, and then my dad took me to the bus stop. I tried to talk to him about my new tattoo, but that didn't go too well so i just got on the bus and left. The bus was crowded as hell. And i had 5 bags. So it wasn't pleasant. I got back to White Plains a little after 8, waited in the cold until 838 for the shuttle, got back to the dorms right at 9pm, and immediately started watching The Walking Dead with Angelina and Lisa. Only difference was, we play The Walking Dead drinking game. It was great. Sadly, i already missed Corey. I was without him all day because he had to go to stupid Wingdale. So after the show i unpacked for an hour, did homework for a couple, and then went to bed..sad, cold, and alone. I got pretty crappy sleep. Stupid dreams. Then i woke up Monday morning and began my lovely 12 hour class day -__-

That will begin another blog. Voi la.

The Past Week...

Went by so fast, yet so much happened. Monday, my birthday, was absolutely boring for the most part. To begin with, it was on a Monday. What a terrible birthday. Plus, turning 19 isn't really the highlight of your life. Except i can now get into Webster Hall. But i woke up, went to class, got food, and then did homework. Then i took a nap until 4 and went to class again. Directly after i went to another class, for 3 hours. By the time i was back to my room, it was 10pm. 12 hour day of school on my birthday. Lovely. When i got back i was expecting to cuddle with Corey and watch movies. I was wrong. I got back to him making me something he had apparently been working on for 3 hours already, and it was for me and Valentine's Day/birthday. Well, i had two hours left of my birthday so i decided to relax and do homework and watch tv. I also didn't have class the next day, so i poured myself a few cocktails and chilled. Well, it turned 12am...so it was now Valentine's Day. And Corey was nowhere to be seen. I got upset, but whatever. I was going to give him his gifts but i figured i'd wait til tomorrow. I was super excited about whatever he was making. He decided to use my computer to figure out how to do it, though, so it was in my history and i knew what he was making. But i only knew the name, not what it looked like, because i didn't want to creep. So again, i was excited about my "origami rose." Around 2am, me being almost asleep, he walks in and slams the door. He looked exhausted and i was trying to be nice and cute because obviously he was in a bad mood. Nothing worked. He angrily said it didn't work..6 hours and he gave up..screw it. Then he went to bed. Granted, i hate Valentine's Day and i wasn't REALLY expecting anything, but a small part of me was because i'm a girl, and it's cliche but i wanted to feel special. He's creative, i know he could've come up with something else. But no. So i went to bed upset. He went to bed sick and exhausted.

After barely 4 hours of sleep he had to get up and go to class. I woke up as well, and didn't even get a goodbye kiss. He came back at 1030 to nap and again, i got nothing. Around 1 i woke up because i had things to do. I had off, but i had to go to a study abroad meeting, and then i had to go to an audition for MADE (haha i know). Afterwards we were supposed to go to the movies, but since he was in such a bad mood i told him don't worry about it. That made him more angry, so we ended up going around 3 anyway. The way there, we kind of talked things out and they got better. We got to the movies, brought our food and drinks in, and began watching The Woman in Black (great Valentine's movie, right?). Anyway, we kept making Harry Potter jokes throughout it and had a great, normal time. However, when we got up to leave, he was drunk, and i knew i had a personal problem. Skip ahead in the story...my problem got worse. By the time i got back to the dorms i was in hysterics, screaming and crying. I called the library to call out of work. Corey, still drunk, called my friend Kerry to ask if she could come pick me up. It was around 8 at this point. She got me, all 3 of us went to the ER, and then got stuck there for 3 hours. I was a wreck for about an hour before the meds i took kicked in. We were rudely treated, got put in the hallway, and ignored for the whole 3 hours. My culture took 2 hours to get results. Kerry, the great friend she is, left the waiting room and went and bought me a new purse since her and Corey broke mine. Corey, being a great boyfriend, sobered up and laid with me on the bed in the hallway trying to comfort me. At the end of everything, the physician told me she didn't want to give me antibiotics. I freaked on her because i knew i needed them. She she basically said it looked like i was getting sick, but not sick yet. And i explained i knew that, hence why i came in..to nip it in the bud. So she goes, well since you have a history of these infections i'll give you them. But you have to see a specialist (no, really?? like i haven't been trying to for months). Anyway, we went to the pharmacy, got my meds for the second time in barely a week, and came back. I pretty much passed out from exhaustion afterwards.

Now, Wednesday through Friday kind of went by in a blur. Wednesday i woke up exhausted. Went to back to back classes. After that i went to the LGBTQU meeting at 10. I had Corey come along. Then we went back to the room, and i don't recall anything except Thursday. I didn't want to go to class that morning, so while Tierney and Corey did, i stayed in bed. I woke up around 1 or 2 and did homework until class at 430. After class i came back and relaxed. Corey and i chilled and then took a nap. And then at 10 i went to work. Work was the same old 4 hours of computer, homework, and book shelving. Friday i woke up pretty early because Corey and i had to pack to leave and go home. I packed stuff i didn't need that i wanted to bring back and whatnot. Around 3 his mom picked us up. Semi strange car ride home but whatever. And then i arrived home! Okay, time for new blog.

Continuation

Hectic hectic hectic. That is what i have to say about my week. Well, i suppose i shall get right to the point and start off by contuining on Saturday night.

Corey and i woke up around 5:30. We got up and went to White Plains to run some errands. I don't quite recall what i had to get, but i know it was something of importance. We got back and Amber (his sister) and Bri (her friend) were there waiting for us. It was around 9 at this point. So we get changed and start to get ready to enjoy our bday weekend. Corey went and got food, and i started to make his card. Oh! Speaking of which. We went into White Plains so i could get some toiletries, and then i also got his Valentine's Day gifts and a poster board to make his birthday card. So when we got back, i spent an hour making it. Afterwards, we got ready some more. By 11, Amber was completely trashed. Well, earlier that day she told me a big secret. Something bad had happened to her, and she told me not to tell Corey. Which i did not. Since she was drunk, she decided to tell him though. As the clock truck 12 this happened. The start of a series of awful events. Long story short, lots of crying commenced. For hours. Anger from Corey. And crying. Crying hysterically from Amber. Josh and Sarah had arrived earlier as well, so we were all trying to help both of them. Nothing was working. So we decided, now at almost 1:30, to try and go out. We managed to find a party, but it got shut down 10 minutes in. Unfortunately, right after, Amber was too cold and upset. So she was crying more, and everyone decided to go back to the dorms.

Now, i am normally the first person to be there for a friend. Friends come first in my life, always. However, at this point in time, my anxiety was at an all time high. I was so beyond upset and furious that the second night of my birthday weekend was ruined. And not by Corey and i this time. Plus, jealousy got in the way. Since what happened may not have even happened and wasn't even that big of a deal, yet Corey spent all his time devoting to her. And i know i have no siblings, none the less a twin, but to me i feel/felt their relationship is just a little toooo close. So when everyone decided to go back, Corey expected me to go too. Butttt i said no. I didn't want to waste my outfit, none the less the fact i'm already out in the cold. Plus, she had him and 4 other people helping her. So i stayed out while they went back. Yes it was selfish. Yes it was very much not like me and my character. But i did what i needed to. And sadly, i had the most fun i had all night in the half hour i was alone. Or rather, with other people. I found my other friends, got to a party, had a good time. Even had a run-in with the cops. Granted, it didn't last long. But it was still fun. But all good things come to and end. Corey came, still plastered, to get me.

We got back to the dorm. He could tell i was pissed/upset, but i guess he also was at me. So we didn't speak for probably two hours. After chit chat with friends, talk about Valentine's Day, more of me crying and being upset, and almost everyone else falling asleep, i decided to go to sleep. I went to lay down, and Corey laid next to me. At this point he had sobered up, but i wouldn't even cuddle with him. No kiss, nothing. He asked why..and i knew he would be upset. Again, long story short. He kept begging so i eventually caved and told him. As i assumed, he got pissed. Especially when i brought up my kind of incestuous thoughts about the two of them. Whoops. He stormed out of the room. Came back. Repeat cycle. This went on about 3 times. Until he decided to finally stop, and start rubbing my back (really??). Apparently that calms him down. However, as great as it feels, it pisses me off at the same time. Because you rub my back, everything is supposed to be better? No no no. Anyway, he did that. And then i'm quite positive we talked things out until about 8am.

Things still didn't get resolved though because when we woke up, on his birthday, he got up and did stuff, whereas i just wanted to sleep. So at 11 he got up and went to Dhall with everyone, but me. Then hung out in Crossroads for a few hours with Amber and other people. All while i was in bed, being ignored. I decided to do homework instead of crying all day. He came back, still ignoring me, and did homework as well. Amber left in the afternoon, so we all said goodbye. Corey and i still didn't speak for another couple hours. Eventually, i don't remember how, everything got resolved. I gave him the card i made him, finally. In which he cried and apologized. I just hope he meant it. I apologized as well, since i was being a little selfish and mean. But i had good reasoning. At 12am that night he wished me a happy birthday. Me, knowing it would be a crappy one, still tried to stay positive. We ended up going to sleep semi early, seeing as i had a 12 hour day the next day. And well, since this is quite a long blog, i'm going to start a new one summarizing my week...